THE GOOD SAMARITAN

Being the Good Samaritan is good
But I know why I'm being so good
Because my self-esteem is so bad
And I'm doing so much good
To justify my existence
If my self-esteem were good
I wouldn't be doing as much good
So am I really good
Or not so good after all

OUR REALITY'S BEING WRITTEN FOR US

Donald Trump wins election
Russians may have hacked Hillary's emails
The Russians were influencing the election
Trump may be an operative for the Russians
Trump sex tape
Golden showers
MI6 spies
Dossier
Trump being blackmailed by the Russians
No, not blackmail, scratch that
Trump has business ties with Russians
No, blackmail
No, business ties
General Flynn talking sanctions with the Russians
Something's rotten in Denmark
More Trump aides have ties with Russians
Entire cabinet has ties with Russians
Trump definitely colluding with Russians

Now for ACT III
Assad has dropped chemical bombs on Syrians
Innocent civilians and children suffering horribly
President Trump between rock and hard place
Because Russians support Assad and his regime
Will Trump do nothing which means he's colluding with Russians
Or will he bomb Syria to show he has no ties with Russians

When did reality unravel in this climactic progression of events
It seems unnatural
It's like somebody's writing all this
Hammering out plot point, after plot point
And then you realize
Fuck
Maybe somebody IS writing it all out
And our reality isn't actual reality
It's being written for us
And is thus unreality

Who is the author of this great narrative
I do not know
But I'll tell you one thing
It's not God

THE FREEZING POINT IS HARD TO DETERMINE

my new thing is I can't have a beer unless it's at maximum coldness...as cold as it can get without freezing...I can't drink the beer if it's not juuuuust about freezing...so close to 32 faren-karen-honey-bunny...kissing the freezing point, babe...but, on the flipside, I can't drink the beer if it's frozen either...for obvious reasons...plus, it often explodes and volcanoes on me when it's like that...so the key is to find the edge...but as Hunter Thompson once said...the edge is so hard to find...because once you've found it...you've already gone over

BEWARE OF THE LONG HAIR

beware, beware, my friends...because it WILL happen to you...sooner or later...you WILL be in a new restroom out there in the world, somewhere...and this restroom WILL have intense backlighting...and you WILL notice a very long hair growing from the outer ear lobe...a hair you never knew existed before...and you're shocked by its presence...not to mention ashamed...you will hurry home and snip this hair...but you WILL be haunted by thoughts...who has seen this hair?..and not told me?..beware, my friends, this will happen to you