A COMET THAT'S BURNT OUT

A COMET THAT'S BURNT OUT
by matt burns

I want to keep going
And there is some fuel here and there
Maybe if I rock my tank from side to side there's more
But let's face it
I'm not the comet I used to be
I have very little gas left
Very little
And no matter how hard I fight it
I'm burnt out, man
I'm burnt out

But I've said this before
This is a long road
No gas station for miles
But one will inevitably come
And I'll get a full tank again
Damn, I'm mixing metaphors here
Comet or car?
Choose one
Shit

PROBABLY NOT FUNCTIONAL

PROBABLY NOT FUNCTIONAL
by matt burns

The difference between
Functional 
Alcoholic
And dysfunctional 
Alcoholic
Is hard to decipher

I keep on telling us
We're functional
We's sip
And we's get shit done
We're never messy
It doesn't make us useless

But let's stops kidding ourselves's
It slows us down
We're foggy the next day
Our brain is never working at it's best
And also 
Most of the time
We drink
And just stare at the computer screen
And listen to music
Like we were just doing before we wrote this poem

We pretend we're having a deep experience
But we never really do
We pretend
But we never do
Pretend
Never
Do

RHYMING KILLED THE POETRY STAR

RHYMING KILLED THE POETRY STAR
by matt burns

I used to be very prolific as a poet
But then I got into rhyming
And now for every poem I write
I feel the need to rhyme the words
So now I see poetry as a chore
And that's why I don't write poetry no more

WANDERING BOSTON

Bates Hall at the Boston Public Library.

WANDERING BOSTON

by matt burns

I walk the streets

I take the subway

I go to the public library

I roam Boylston

Newbury Street

Searching for that great poem to manifest itself

On the Green Line

I notice everybody’s buried into their smartphones

There’s got to be a poem there

But I got nothing new that hasn’t been said before

In the library

The bathroom is straight out of a horror movie

Shit, piss, blood, all over the urinals

There must be a poem there

But I don’t have anything except what I just said

I sit in the middle of Bates Hall

There are long

Wooden

Rectangular

Tables

With muted green lamps

Bookshelves line the walls

Domed ceilings

Murals

Beautiful architecture from many years ago

I thought this room would give birth to inspiration

It’s got that look to it

Like an early twentieth century writer wrote a novel in here

But all it’s given me is an erection

Because there are tons of beautiful girls in this room

I can’t even concentrate on poetry in here

I guess this is a poem

About a desperate search for a new poem

I thought with all the stuff going on in the city

I’d come up with multiple poems

But no dice

Maybe I should have just stayed at home

Because now I have to pee

And the closest bathroom is the horror show down the stairs

Also, I think my car’s getting ticketed as I speak

Staying at home

And writing about staring at my bedroom wall

Analyzing the squashed mosquito and its guts

Probably would have yielded a better poem

Than what I’m coming up with right now

Traveling

Urban activity

Tons of different people

Diversity

Culture

It doesn’t necessarily give birth

To much inspiration

The traveling poet roaming around an exciting place

It’s a Romantic concept

But the reality is that

It gives birth to bullshit

Stay at home

Stare at the wall

Analyze the bug juice

You don’t have to be worldly

To come up with good poems

Come to think of it

I think I’ve already written a poem

With this exact theme

Thus nothing new has even been written

Case in point

I should have stayed at home

FIVE NEW POEMS!

TWO MIDDLE FINGERS HIGH UP IN THE AIR

by matt burns

Hello world

You have been hostile towards me lately

No, that’s not true

I’m drunk

And angry

And negative

Sometimes you just want to

Put two of your middle fingers up in the air

Flip off the universe

And God

But it’s not really how I feel

I don’t mean it

I’m cool with yall

Sorry

This poem is incoherent

I’m drunk

I admit

This is the first poem

That admittedly makes no sense

By the author

But was born out of drunkenness

Sorry

NOTHING SAYS YOU LOVE HER MORE

by matt burns

I never knew I really had one in me

But jealousy, that green-eyed monster

Crept up on me, sunk its claws in me

And momentarily possessed me

My mind was not quite my own

I had a meltdown

And ranted and raved

I accused and pointed fingers

I made a buffoon of myself

At first she was angry

But then I apologized

And she was flattered

It’s weird that a jealous meltdown

Is the most genuine way to let a person know

You care about them

It’s raw emotion, nothing calculated or planned

If you buy roses for a girl, that can just all be theater

And you can say you have feelings for her all you want

But those are just words born out of a calm, rational mind

But nothing shows you care about her more

Than when you’ve reduced yourself to the level of a buffoon

A buffoon going off on a jealous meltdown and tirade

Unfortunately that’s the best way

The most genuine way

To let her know you care

HEY, COPPER!

by matt burns

Hey there, copper

You wouldn’t mess 

With a man in

A white shirt

Black pants

Black bowtie

Would ya?!

I drank heavily tonight

Filming a Freemason ball

And I got paid in the fine currency that is open bar

Now I’m driving to the next bar

And maybe one more after that for a nightcap

The cruisers are parked in the shadows of parking lots

Other cruisers are whizzing past me

Another one pulls up beside me in the left turn only lane

And waits at the red light

He looks over to me

I pretend he isn’t even there

He looks away

The light turns green

And makes his turn

I know I’m good for tonight

I know that the black tie is a free pass

I will be left alone

High class, upper class

Videographer working Saturday night

He’s just making a wage

Leave him be

Have a good night, Sir!

The coppers have bigger fish to fry

A man like myself

Wearing a bowtie

Is a small fish to fry

No, not even a small fish

I am no fish at all with my black tie

Far away from the pond they fish in,

They won’t bother me

I’m wearing a black tie tonight

THEY THINK I’M SOBER

by matt burns

Hee hee

They think I’m slober

I mean sober

I’m slut=rring my words

I ended up filming this thing

This dance

This ball

It’s a fundraiser the masons put together

There wasn’t much money to pay me, if any

But they promised an open bar

So I said I’d be there

And here I am, six or seven drinks later

Mostly beers

But some red wine, too

I’m walking around with my video camera

Looking professional

And eating free deviled eggs

One foot in front of the other, Matt

Walk straight, don’t stumble

Or fumble, don’t fumble

Have that professional face on

Pretend you’re filming things

Instead of doing what you’re really doing

Which is slam dancing on the inside

Walking on marshmallows

Floating on Fluffernutter

They think you’re sober

But you’re pretty damn drunk!

They don’t know it

So don’t show it!

On the outside be a serious professional

On the inside be Mad Magazine!

RAY FROM ACTING CLASS

by matt burns

Ramón went to acting class at this place in the Valley

I called him Ray, it was easier

He was my acting partner

We’d do scenes together

I was better than him

I don’t mean to be an asshole when I say that

Because everybody was better than him

He was the Private Pyle of the group

And I was like Private Joker

You know, like in that movie Full Metal Jacket

I was looking after him

Trying to make him better

Ray was raised by his grandmother

They used to watch movies together all the time

Ray would watch the movies and dream of being a movie actor one day

He told his grandmother he was going to be a star

Ray didn’t improve much in the acting class

The teacher picked on him a lot

And made Ray feel like he was no good

But Ray hung in there

He wanted to succeed for his grandmother

He wanted to believe that all the work grandmother did

Raising him

And caring for him

Wasn’t done in vain

Ray kept trying to do well in the class

But one day the teacher pulled him aside

And told him he should maybe do something else with his life

The teacher didn’t want to be harsh

But he said some people just have it

And others don’t, no matter how hard they try

He had seen too many people be encouraged to death

So it was best to be honest with the students

Ray said he understood

But he went back to his grandmother’s place in San Pedro

And he got very depressed

He was very hard on himself

Ray went to the Vincent Thomas Bridge

He jumped off it

No mother should ever have to bury her son

But what’s probably worse is a grandmother burying her grandson

And that’s what happened with Ray’s grandmother

She had to bury her own grandson

She always told him she’d love him no matter what

Star or no star

She just wanted him to be happy

He didn’t have to do big things to make her proud

But he wanted all her hard work

To be worth something

To mean something

He wanted that great American tale

Tough life to the high life

Redemption!

Reward!

He wanted that happy ending to the tough life

But maybe he had watched too many movies

And maybe he should have realized

That happy ending or no happy ending

He still had a person in his life

A person who loved him unconditionally

Whom he loved back unconditionally

And that unconditional love

Should have been happy ending enough

But, instead, he killed himself

And ironically his grandmother’s work

All the work she did raising him

It was, indeed, done in vain

His biggest fear

Came true

And it was a fear

He made come true

From his own doing

NEW POEMS!

Matt Burns thinking about poems and stuff.

Here are several new poems that I thought I would post to whet your appetite. You can read dozens more at my website. Just click HERE for more. Thanks! Feel free to tell me how you like them or even how you hate them!








PISS ON THE TIGER
by matt burns

I am here in my space
I’m cool with my space
Here comes the tiger
He circles around my space
His space is somewhere else
And I’m not interested in that space
But the tiger circles around my space
He growls
He shows his fangs
His eyes look all crazy and everything
Then he slowly creeps into my space
I unzip my fly and I piss on his face
He’s kind of shocked
He’s taken aback
Still pissing, I stomp my foot down hard on the ground
I scream into his fucking face
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
It’s a war cry
The true coward surfaces from behind the fierce facade
He backs off and goes back to his space

This is what you need to do
When a tiger comes into your space




HOME SICK
by matt burns

There comes a point
Where you're not feeling quite right
But maybe you're on the fence
Maybe you're not that bad
Or maybe you are

And you have to decide
Whether you need to call in
And you can't give the decision any more time

You call in
And actually hope you get sicker
To justify your decision
But then you start feeling better
And you laze around
And you sound weak in the voice
You’re not really that sick
But you subconsciously play the part of sick

But then there is that moment
When you realize
Wait, I could be fine right now if I wanted to be!
If you never had to call in sick
There wouldn’t be anything to justify
You would be up and about and fine

Work consumed your life energy
Even when you weren’t there
Your reverence for the job
Made you play the part of sick
And laze around and not do anything 
When you weren’t really sick anymore
Because you respected work too much
You felt guilty for letting work down
So you sacrificed fun and life for it

You need to choose another God to be reverent to in life




SICK AND WATCHING TV
by matt burns

I am sick, tired, lacking energy
I feel helpless and I regress to child-like habits
I am on the couch watching TV
Sick TV is the best kind of viewing
I watch all sorts of stuff I never knew existed

I'm sick a couple of days
I'm alone in the room, on the couch
The TV becomes my new best friend
Or maybe even kind of like my mother
It takes care of me
Nurtures me
And all the shows on the TV become my new friends

But then I start feeling better
And I get to the point 
Where I no longer need to be on the couch 
And I kind of get emotional
Knowing I have to say goodbye to the TV
And all the shows
They made me feel so much better
But I must go

And then eight or nine months later I get sick again
And go back on the couch
And my friends the TV and the shows
They're there waiting for me
It's a wonderful and emotional reunion




THE GUY WORKING THE DOOR AT HOUSE OF BLUES
by matt burns

10pm
I walk down Lansdowne in Boston
I see a familiar man sitting on a stool outside the venue
He's about sixty
Wearing sunglasses at night
And a bandana

He used to work the door at Club Axis
But Axis got sold
Torn down 
And up came the House of Blues

They must have felt sorry for him
And hired him at House of Blues
But he's out of place
A relic from a lost era
A time when clubs were about the bands
And not about the money

He's a dedicated indie rocker working at a franchise
A dinosaur in the wrong world
One of the lone survivors of the cataclysmic meteor event
He’s smiling and joking
But his overall demeanor exudes sadness
Like he's clinging to the lost world
Pretending it's still alive

But it's hopeless
His world is basically extinct
And, by the looks of it, he'll soon be extinct, too




NO AMBITION
by matt burns

There's a difference between having no ambition
And naturally not wanting to conform
No ambition sometimes means
Not conforming to the norm

I have plenty of ambition
But people say I don't
What they're really saying
Is I don't join the dead society




MILITARY FLYOVER
by matt burns

I am at the football game
And they’re singing the national anthem
And they have invited some troops
And they’re waving American flags
And there is a flyover
And the insinuation is this is America to them
This is what being American’s all about to them
Football

The flyovers are free
Paid by taxpayers
It’s considered good public relations
More cost-effective than a corny commercial on TV

Tomorrow I am releasing my first book of poems
To me, it’s a big deal
It’s what America is to me
Being able to write freely
Express myself freely
And put my work out into the world

I call the military public relations department
I invite some troops to come out for the book release
And then I ask for a flyover
They hang up
They think it’s a prank call

The troops don’t show up
All I can do is wave the American flags
Which I proudly do
Because this is my America
This is what America is to me




MONEY CAN FLIP A WORLD 180 DEGREES
by matt burns

Yesterday I found a weird rabbit hole while walking in the woods
I jumped in and it took me to some sort of alternate reality
I saw myself just the same as I am now
Everything I had done with my life was the same
I had written five books
Hundreds of poems
And dozens of screenplays
Etc.

Only there was one difference:
I had been financially rewarded for them
The books had been published and sold
Same with the poems
And the screenplays had been purchased
And produced

And there was another difference:
Because my efforts made me money
I was considered by others as ambitious
Prolific
Intense
Hard-working

While my productivity in my former reality was the same
There was no money
And thus no respect
In the world I was used to
I was a bum

And what was the difference between worlds?
In one world I had money and the other no money
That was the only difference
And it was a 180-degree difference

Needless to say, I’m glad I found the rabbit hole
I stayed in the reality where I wasn’t a bum




WRITER'S BLOCK
by matt burns

I don't understand writer's block
Because I don't get a person
Who would want to write for the sake of writing
And not out of need

You write because it's being pushed out of you
You shouldn’t be pulling it out
It's being forced into you by the universe
Or wherever it comes from
And all you really have to do is loosen the faucet knob
And it gushes out with strong flow
And then you screw it tight
Until the pressure builds again
And you loosen the knob again

For people who have writer's block
Or need to buy books that give them prompts
Topics
Subjects
Prompts and topics and subjects to write about
It's like turning on a faucet to a sink
That's not attached to any water pipes
Nothing comes out
And you really shouldn’t be writing
You’ve just somewhere down the line
Fell in love with the idea of writing

And I don't mean to sound snobby
But I would just say to you that you're blessed
Run away from writing
Feel thankful
Because being compelled to write
Having that writing forced into you by the universe
Pushed through you
Is tiring and painful
It hurts
Like nasty birth pangs
It can be hell




SNOW FLUFFS REALITY
by matt burns

I like it when it snows
It blankets reality
With its fluff
It fluffs reality

For at least a few hours
If not more
Maybe sometimes even a full day
Or possibly two, if it’s a big storm…
Reality is fluffed
And the snow sucks in all the noise from the world
So there is more silence
And peace

But then it starts melting
Salt and sand soils the whiteness
Dog droppings appear atop the snow banks
And if it melts even more
There’s a lot of mud
The dirtiness of reality reemerges

But at least for some amount of time
Even though it may be ephemeral
Reality has been fluffed




SAGGY AMERICAN FLAG
by matt burns

I parked pretty far back in the lot
So it’s a long journey to the superstore entrance
I walk down the aisle of cars in the lot
I look up and see a flagpole with an American flag
Down here in this man-made valley
The wind is weak
And when the wind is weak, so isn’t the flag
It also rained earlier today
So the flag is moist 
And drippy
Mildewy
Moldy
Saggy 
And sad




SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE
by matt burns

If there’s one thing I should have been taught in college
One thing above everything else
It would be to swallow my pride
That would have been the one useful tool
The one tool I would have needed to take on this life

But I had to learn it on my own
After college
And it kind of took a while

Other people never learn it
It was never taught to them and they never taught themselves

But once you swallow your pride
The rest of life is easy
Because without pride
There is no concern with outside judgment
And you do what you got to do




NEW VIDEO GAME
by matt burns

There’s something about a new video game
That almost makes your mouth water
The thought of escaping into that game
Getting lost in the virtual reality
A more fun reality

But then you pop it in
You play it for maybe twenty minutes
And you feel some void inside of you grow bigger
And bigger
And bigger
And then you can’t take it anymore
You have to shut the game off
And go do something else

It wasn’t like this when you were young
And you want to feel how you did when you were young
But it’s no use
The void is there
And as an adult you should be doing something else
Unfortunately




I PRESS MY LIPS TOGETHER
by matt burns

When I walk into somewhere 
Like a store
Or a library
I often press my lips together
And suck them in a bit
This is my friendly face
I always fear that my regular face
My stoic face
Looks sad or angry
So I play it safe
And press my lips together
And look nice




NEEDLESS PRESSURE
by matt burns

I don’t like being shown a new TV show or movie
Nor do I like showing someone a new show or movie
There is too much pressure to either laugh
Or make the other person laugh

So if somebody has a recommendation for me
I tell them I have to watch the show alone, without them
Or if I have a recommendation for somebody
I tell them to watch it by themselves sometime, without me

I don’t like needless pressure in my life
It’s pretty easy to avoid
Sometimes people don’t understand these things
They doom themselves when they show shows to people
Or allow themselves to be shown shows
I think they need to know better




AWKWARD SHOW ON TV
by matt burns

I sit down to eat dinner with my parents
We usually watch some TV while we eat
The news is loud and obnoxious
So we turn on Seinfeld
The characters are having a contest
To see how long they can go without masturbation
It’s only a few seconds before I realize this was a mistake
I should have just kept the news on
The topic of the show is awkward around my parents
But if I turn back to the news it will be more awkward
The show gets dirtier and more crass
The dinner becomes painfully awkward
I want to get up and just eat in my room
But that will appear even more awkward
I’m stuck here in hell for the next half hour
Finally a commercial comes
I’ve never been happier to see a commercial
I nonchalantly get up from the table
Grab some water at the fridge
And distance myself from the situation
But after a while I just say fuck it, I want out of here
So I grab my dinner from the table
And go to my room to eat
I don’t care about any awkwardness I created
It was impossible to become any more awkward
Things were so doomed




CLAWING MY WAY UP THE DITCH
by matt burns

I can’t crawl out of this hole
The sand and soil is loose
I keep on crawling up the sides
But the soil is so loose it brings me back down
I crawl up again
About halfway almost
But the soil crumbles beneath me
And avalanches back down into the ditch
All the way down to the bottom I go
I can’t get out of the ditch
The sand is too loose
It can’t support my weight
I’m stuck in this ditch




WRITING IN PENCIL
by matt burns

I had a good idea that came into my head
The nearest means of documentation I had handy
Was a piece of paper
And a number-two pencil
I grabbed the paper
And the pencil
And I started writing

I went back about ten or fifteen years
I was maybe in math class
Early high school, maybe middle school
I was writing fast on the paper
Because the idea was coming to me fast
But I felt like I was having some sort of pop quiz
Maybe a spelling exam
Or math exam
After all, pen wasn’t allowed for quizzes until the later grades
So pencil makes me remember the earlier grades

It was brief
But it was a memory
I was there, back in the early grades
Maybe middle school
Or maybe even elementary school
I was there, for a little while, anyway
And it was kind of traumatic
Because it reminded me of stress from a quiz
But it was also enjoyable being back in that time




SHE’S OK WITH ME NOT WANTING TO WATCH THE SUPERBOWL
by matt burns

Most guys will want to watch the Superbowl
It’s kind of like an unwritten rule
And most girls will want their guys to want to watch the Superbowl
Even though the girls aren’t very interested in it themselves
They want their guys to be normal, typical guys
And feel uneasy when their man doesn’t want to watch the Superbowl
Because it means their man must have a problem
And will create babies with problems
And she doesn’t want her babies to have problems
She wants her babies to be able to fit in with society
So she gets rid of that man
And finds another man who will watch the Superbowl

There is, however, that rare girl out there
A girl who has no problem if you want to have
Lots
And lots
Of sex during the Superbowl
As opposed to watching the game
And when you’ve found that girl
Search no more
You’ve found love
So don’t blow it



POETIC INSANITY
by matt burns

Sometimes you have those nights
Every thought that comes into your mind
You think could be
A potential idea
For a poem

Your dog coughs a certain way
And you go, "That’s gold!"
And you must write it down
And then it looks like an image of the Virgin Mary is in your burnt toast
And you say that’s gold
And you rush to write it down
You don’t want anything to get away
You must write it all down
Lest you miss an important idea

This is poetic insanity

And then you get the idea
That you can write an idea about poetic insanity
This is more than poetic insanity

It’s poetic super-insanity