TWO MIDDLE FINGERS HIGH UP IN THE AIR
by matt burns
Hello world
You have been hostile towards me lately
No, that’s not true
I’m drunk
And angry
And negative
Sometimes you just want to
Put two of your middle fingers up in the air
Flip off the universe
And God
But it’s not really how I feel
I don’t mean it
I’m cool with yall
Sorry
This poem is incoherent
I’m drunk
I admit
This is the first poem
That admittedly makes no sense
By the author
But was born out of drunkenness
Sorry
NOTHING SAYS YOU LOVE HER MORE
by matt burns
I never knew I really had one in me
But jealousy, that green-eyed monster
Crept up on me, sunk its claws in me
And momentarily possessed me
My mind was not quite my own
I had a meltdown
And ranted and raved
I accused and pointed fingers
I made a buffoon of myself
At first she was angry
But then I apologized
And she was flattered
It’s weird that a jealous meltdown
Is the most genuine way to let a person know
You care about them
It’s raw emotion, nothing calculated or planned
If you buy roses for a girl, that can just all be theater
And you can say you have feelings for her all you want
But those are just words born out of a calm, rational mind
But nothing shows you care about her more
Than when you’ve reduced yourself to the level of a buffoon
A buffoon going off on a jealous meltdown and tirade
Unfortunately that’s the best way
The most genuine way
To let her know you care
HEY, COPPER!
by matt burns
Hey there, copper
You wouldn’t mess
With a man in
A white shirt
Black pants
Black bowtie
Would ya?!
I drank heavily tonight
Filming a Freemason ball
And I got paid in the fine currency that is open bar
Now I’m driving to the next bar
And maybe one more after that for a nightcap
The cruisers are parked in the shadows of parking lots
Other cruisers are whizzing past me
Another one pulls up beside me in the left turn only lane
And waits at the red light
He looks over to me
I pretend he isn’t even there
He looks away
The light turns green
And makes his turn
I know I’m good for tonight
I know that the black tie is a free pass
I will be left alone
High class, upper class
Videographer working Saturday night
He’s just making a wage
Leave him be
Have a good night, Sir!
The coppers have bigger fish to fry
A man like myself
Wearing a bowtie
Is a small fish to fry
No, not even a small fish
I am no fish at all with my black tie
Far away from the pond they fish in,
They won’t bother me
I’m wearing a black tie tonight
THEY THINK I’M SOBER
by matt burns
Hee hee
They think I’m slober
I mean sober
I’m slut=rring my words
I ended up filming this thing
This dance
This ball
It’s a fundraiser the masons put together
There wasn’t much money to pay me, if any
But they promised an open bar
So I said I’d be there
And here I am, six or seven drinks later
Mostly beers
But some red wine, too
I’m walking around with my video camera
Looking professional
And eating free deviled eggs
One foot in front of the other, Matt
Walk straight, don’t stumble
Or fumble, don’t fumble
Have that professional face on
Pretend you’re filming things
Instead of doing what you’re really doing
Which is slam dancing on the inside
Walking on marshmallows
Floating on Fluffernutter
They think you’re sober
But you’re pretty damn drunk!
They don’t know it
So don’t show it!
On the outside be a serious professional
On the inside be Mad Magazine!
RAY FROM ACTING CLASS
by matt burns
Ramón went to acting class at this place in the Valley
I called him Ray, it was easier
He was my acting partner
We’d do scenes together
I was better than him
I don’t mean to be an asshole when I say that
Because everybody was better than him
He was the Private Pyle of the group
And I was like Private Joker
You know, like in that movie Full Metal Jacket
I was looking after him
Trying to make him better
Ray was raised by his grandmother
They used to watch movies together all the time
Ray would watch the movies and dream of being a movie actor one day
He told his grandmother he was going to be a star
Ray didn’t improve much in the acting class
The teacher picked on him a lot
And made Ray feel like he was no good
But Ray hung in there
He wanted to succeed for his grandmother
He wanted to believe that all the work grandmother did
Raising him
And caring for him
Wasn’t done in vain
Ray kept trying to do well in the class
But one day the teacher pulled him aside
And told him he should maybe do something else with his life
The teacher didn’t want to be harsh
But he said some people just have it
And others don’t, no matter how hard they try
He had seen too many people be encouraged to death
So it was best to be honest with the students
Ray said he understood
But he went back to his grandmother’s place in San Pedro
And he got very depressed
He was very hard on himself
Ray went to the Vincent Thomas Bridge
He jumped off it
No mother should ever have to bury her son
But what’s probably worse is a grandmother burying her grandson
And that’s what happened with Ray’s grandmother
She had to bury her own grandson
She always told him she’d love him no matter what
Star or no star
She just wanted him to be happy
He didn’t have to do big things to make her proud
But he wanted all her hard work
To be worth something
To mean something
He wanted that great American tale
Tough life to the high life
Redemption!
Reward!
He wanted that happy ending to the tough life
But maybe he had watched too many movies
And maybe he should have realized
That happy ending or no happy ending
He still had a person in his life
A person who loved him unconditionally
Whom he loved back unconditionally
And that unconditional love
Should have been happy ending enough
But, instead, he killed himself
And ironically his grandmother’s work
All the work she did raising him
It was, indeed, done in vain
His biggest fear
Came true
And it was a fear
He made come true
From his own doing
