MALWARE

MALWARE
by matt burns

I’ve tried to reset
I’ve tried to cleanse
But it continues to cling to me

The intense rage comes and goes
The intense depression comes and goes
One minute I think I’m ok
But then I’m erratic again
Illogical
Irrational
My feelings
My emotions
My behaviors
Make no sense
Almost like they’re not even coming from me
But an external entity

That girl gave me malware
And no matter what I do
I can’t get rid of it

CIRCLING THE RINK

CIRCLING THE RINK
by matt burns

Drifting around the rink
In circles
Not even lifting up my skates
Just gliding
And pumping
And drifting

Around
And around
And around
I go

I enter a meditative state
And I realize...

This is my life again
Drifting alone
In circles
In circles
And in circles

I look up ahead of me
I see a young couple
Probably high school age
Maybe early college
They're on a skating date
They're so cute
They're wobbling around
Awkward with the skates
They look so happy

In an alternative reality
That could have been us
But now she's married
It's only been a few months since we broke ties
But she's already married to another guy
She's entered a new chapter
While I'm circling around
Back to the old
Haunted by the past

I hear 'Uncle Matt!'
My nephew's skating behind me
He wants to race
So I race him
And he takes me out of my head
This is what I need!
I need to be out of my head!
But my nephew eventually gets tired
He takes a break
And I resume my circles
Around
And around
Around

What happened? 
I'll never wrap my head around it
All I know is that I'm back to being alone
Going around
And around 
In circles
Desperately looking for the new
But coming back around again
To the very 
Exact 
Same 
Old

MUST DEAL WITH THIS PROCESS

MUST DEAL WITH THIS PROCESS

by matt burns

Just like when somebody dies

Somebody close to you

You just can’t snap your fingers

And say, BE GONE NOW, PAIN!

And a switch goes off in your brain

And you all of a sudden

Feel better

No

You must ride this wave

This wave of pain

There is no other way

You can do whatever you can

To make it easier for yourself

But there’s only so much that can be done

Some may find alcohol helpful

I find this may be true

But the next day the crash comes

And the withdrawal

And this makes things worse

So you must be careful

Or you’ll just be pulled down

By even more sludgy depression

Breaking up

With the girl you’ve felt closest to

The person you’ve felt closest to

It’s tough sludge to deal with

It can’t be an overnight thing

It’s a process

An inevitable process

And you must ride this wave

Take the pain!

And just look forward
Take the pain!
And look even more forward

To the wave’s break

And the salty suds

The fizzle

And then the calm
And peace
That you feel on the New Land

If you even get to new land

The hope is that you find new land

Just like Columbus
Or any other immigrant

Leaving behind the old
And looking for something new