FIVE NEW POEMS!

TWO MIDDLE FINGERS HIGH UP IN THE AIR

by matt burns

Hello world

You have been hostile towards me lately

No, that’s not true

I’m drunk

And angry

And negative

Sometimes you just want to

Put two of your middle fingers up in the air

Flip off the universe

And God

But it’s not really how I feel

I don’t mean it

I’m cool with yall

Sorry

This poem is incoherent

I’m drunk

I admit

This is the first poem

That admittedly makes no sense

By the author

But was born out of drunkenness

Sorry

NOTHING SAYS YOU LOVE HER MORE

by matt burns

I never knew I really had one in me

But jealousy, that green-eyed monster

Crept up on me, sunk its claws in me

And momentarily possessed me

My mind was not quite my own

I had a meltdown

And ranted and raved

I accused and pointed fingers

I made a buffoon of myself

At first she was angry

But then I apologized

And she was flattered

It’s weird that a jealous meltdown

Is the most genuine way to let a person know

You care about them

It’s raw emotion, nothing calculated or planned

If you buy roses for a girl, that can just all be theater

And you can say you have feelings for her all you want

But those are just words born out of a calm, rational mind

But nothing shows you care about her more

Than when you’ve reduced yourself to the level of a buffoon

A buffoon going off on a jealous meltdown and tirade

Unfortunately that’s the best way

The most genuine way

To let her know you care

HEY, COPPER!

by matt burns

Hey there, copper

You wouldn’t mess 

With a man in

A white shirt

Black pants

Black bowtie

Would ya?!

I drank heavily tonight

Filming a Freemason ball

And I got paid in the fine currency that is open bar

Now I’m driving to the next bar

And maybe one more after that for a nightcap

The cruisers are parked in the shadows of parking lots

Other cruisers are whizzing past me

Another one pulls up beside me in the left turn only lane

And waits at the red light

He looks over to me

I pretend he isn’t even there

He looks away

The light turns green

And makes his turn

I know I’m good for tonight

I know that the black tie is a free pass

I will be left alone

High class, upper class

Videographer working Saturday night

He’s just making a wage

Leave him be

Have a good night, Sir!

The coppers have bigger fish to fry

A man like myself

Wearing a bowtie

Is a small fish to fry

No, not even a small fish

I am no fish at all with my black tie

Far away from the pond they fish in,

They won’t bother me

I’m wearing a black tie tonight

THEY THINK I’M SOBER

by matt burns

Hee hee

They think I’m slober

I mean sober

I’m slut=rring my words

I ended up filming this thing

This dance

This ball

It’s a fundraiser the masons put together

There wasn’t much money to pay me, if any

But they promised an open bar

So I said I’d be there

And here I am, six or seven drinks later

Mostly beers

But some red wine, too

I’m walking around with my video camera

Looking professional

And eating free deviled eggs

One foot in front of the other, Matt

Walk straight, don’t stumble

Or fumble, don’t fumble

Have that professional face on

Pretend you’re filming things

Instead of doing what you’re really doing

Which is slam dancing on the inside

Walking on marshmallows

Floating on Fluffernutter

They think you’re sober

But you’re pretty damn drunk!

They don’t know it

So don’t show it!

On the outside be a serious professional

On the inside be Mad Magazine!

RAY FROM ACTING CLASS

by matt burns

Ramón went to acting class at this place in the Valley

I called him Ray, it was easier

He was my acting partner

We’d do scenes together

I was better than him

I don’t mean to be an asshole when I say that

Because everybody was better than him

He was the Private Pyle of the group

And I was like Private Joker

You know, like in that movie Full Metal Jacket

I was looking after him

Trying to make him better

Ray was raised by his grandmother

They used to watch movies together all the time

Ray would watch the movies and dream of being a movie actor one day

He told his grandmother he was going to be a star

Ray didn’t improve much in the acting class

The teacher picked on him a lot

And made Ray feel like he was no good

But Ray hung in there

He wanted to succeed for his grandmother

He wanted to believe that all the work grandmother did

Raising him

And caring for him

Wasn’t done in vain

Ray kept trying to do well in the class

But one day the teacher pulled him aside

And told him he should maybe do something else with his life

The teacher didn’t want to be harsh

But he said some people just have it

And others don’t, no matter how hard they try

He had seen too many people be encouraged to death

So it was best to be honest with the students

Ray said he understood

But he went back to his grandmother’s place in San Pedro

And he got very depressed

He was very hard on himself

Ray went to the Vincent Thomas Bridge

He jumped off it

No mother should ever have to bury her son

But what’s probably worse is a grandmother burying her grandson

And that’s what happened with Ray’s grandmother

She had to bury her own grandson

She always told him she’d love him no matter what

Star or no star

She just wanted him to be happy

He didn’t have to do big things to make her proud

But he wanted all her hard work

To be worth something

To mean something

He wanted that great American tale

Tough life to the high life

Redemption!

Reward!

He wanted that happy ending to the tough life

But maybe he had watched too many movies

And maybe he should have realized

That happy ending or no happy ending

He still had a person in his life

A person who loved him unconditionally

Whom he loved back unconditionally

And that unconditional love

Should have been happy ending enough

But, instead, he killed himself

And ironically his grandmother’s work

All the work she did raising him

It was, indeed, done in vain

His biggest fear

Came true

And it was a fear

He made come true

From his own doing

LATEST POEMS!

RESUME BUILDER

by matt burns

I seek this opportunity

But then I realize

That the only reason I’m doing it

Is to build my resume

And then I realize that

The only reason I’m doing most things

Is to build this resume

And what I realize is that this resume

Is basically a collection

Of things I don’t want to do

But I do them

Because I realize

It

Will

Look good

On a resume

Which is basically this piece of paper

Where things are supposed

To

Look

Good

For some employer out there

But all the things

On the resume

Are just not the things

That I’ve wanted to do with my life

The resume

Is 

A 

Record of everything I’ve done

Not for myself

But for the pleasing of somebody

Or some many people

Outside of myself

A record of my existence

Not for myself

But for others

OK WITH MESSY HAIR

by matt burns

I’ve been playing the board game with her

For a while

Just playing

And laughing

And playing

I have to pee

I go to the bathroom

I flush

I turn and look in the mirror

And see my hair

It’s a mess

I realize I 

Never 

Would have looked like this before

If I knew a girl was around

I’ve become so comfortable around her

That I don’t care if my hair is a mess

I wore a stocking hat all day

And took it off

And my hair was a mess

And she still kissed me

With love

This is all new to me

THIS IS WHAT A CELEBRITY WOULD SEE

by matt burns

Out in the great wide open highway

The dead of winter

Passing by big boulders

Random houses covered in snow and small satellite dishes

Cold

Salty

Pale

Highway

If a celebrity were going on this road trip

They’d be seeing what I’m seeing

Their experience wouldn’t be any more magical

It would be just as dreary

The drone of the car

Rubber wheels against the chalky pavement

Cold, icy, dead scenery

It would be the same

All this is what a celebrity would see

But somehow this world seems like my world

And their world seems like it would be something else

But that’s not the case

This is what a celebrity would see

LONELY HOUSE ALONG THE HIGHWAY

by matt burns

There’s the lonely-looking house along the highway

With snow all over it

And a satellite dish on the chimney

Sucking in the entertainment

The house looks so depressing

And the world around it looks depressing

Highways don’t have much personality

Or soul

So maybe that’s what’s killing the mood

Or maybe it’s all subjective

What looks like a lonely place to me

Is home to somebody else

And what’s home to me

May be a lonely place for somebody else

NONYMOUS CHARITY

by matt burns

It’s about quarter to midnight

And I’m alone in the driveway shoveling snow

The plow comes by

And the driver sees me shoveling hard

He plows the end of the driveway for me

And I give him a smile

A wave

And a THANK YOU!

The plow drives off

He resumes plowing the roads

And passes the other driveways

He only helped me because I was there

Had I not been there he wouldn’t have helped

His charitable actions

Are announced with trumpets

He does his good deeds

With the expectation of an immediate thank you

From a living, breathing human being

There was nobody shoveling the other driveways

There was nobody in the driveways

Except God

But he passed God by

And didn’t help him out

I don’t judge

I’d do the same

ALL FOR FACEBOOK

by matt burns

He posts twice an hour

About how much he loves the girl

He posts photos of her

Couples photos

He can’t just tell her he loves her in person

He has to write it on Facebook

And tag her

He can't just write love poems to her

And read them to her aloud in a private room

He has to post them on Facebook

And tag her

He can't just dance with her and sing

He has to make a video of it with his smartphone

Post the video on Facebook

And tag her

His relationship is a trophy

That exists to look good on Facebook

I WISH THE PRESENT COULD BE THE FUTURE

by matt burns

There is a buffet with hot foods at the organic supermarket

The food is so good

It’s organic

And delicious

We both fill a box

And we pay and go sit in the dining area

I sit across the table from her

This is nothing too special now

I feel the present

I feel reality

It’s making my body feel pretty terrible like usual

But I’m well-experienced in these matters

I know how life works

I know that in a couple days

Or a couple weeks

A couple months

Years

It will be one of the most

Happiest

Memories

In my life

Happiness doesn’t reveal itself

Until you leave the present

And you enter the future